The universe answered tonight.
I saw a wonderful show at Summerworks Festival directed by Ange Loft, starring LAL, ILL NANA and Victoria Mata. It was a beautiful, glorious, heartfelt show. It felt like the performers and audience were open wide, sharing resilience, brilliance and celebration.
At the same time, I was having a really stressful evening. I was (still am) feeling messed up and in pain.
At the beginning of the show the director announced to the audience, "This is no sit-down show, it's a concert! I want to see you get up and DANCE!" At this request I camouflaged myself up against the nearest wall because I'm shy like that.
At the end of the show, full of good vibes and the exhilaration and hype of watching an amazing show, Nic kept the music going, and everyone was encouraged to keep dancing, chat, hug, chill and continue sharing space.
I'll tell you - if I was having an okay day I probably would have bobbed my head awkwardly for a while in the comfort of a 3 person friend-dance-circle and call it a night.
But instead, Spirit came to me and said, "Shaunga. Loved one. You have to dance. It's cliche as fuck but just dance like nobody's watching."
I danced for what felt like hours. Dear friends and community members stopped to say hi, exchange small updates, give hugs. I kept dancing. I danced in my own world. I danced feeling safe in the company of other sweet folks. I danced alone on the runway (because come on, it's a runway!). Friends danced around me, left, came back, danced some more, left again. People trickled out of building. Crew started clearing the sets. I kept dancing. It was just me in a conversation with the music - listening, responding, expressing, giving back. Finally, mostly everyone else in the room had stopped dancing, I was still going hard.
Honestly, it felt like there was a spirit that sent me a wonderful freeing gift...like, here, you get to feel this in your body...at the same time it was just me being me.
I could go on and on (and believe me, I will) about the pain and confusion, and why do things have to hurt so much. Why did all these things about today have to suck so bad? But I also will remember this day as having received a beautiful truth. That is that dance offers me joy in the midst of pain. Dance will never leave me. Dance is always here with me.
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I am reminded of this piece from years ago. He's going through a shit time, and she's the dancing part of him that gets him through <3 <3 <3